Fake Steve Jobs:  IBM Will Take Over Upstart INFOSYS
By DJ Varma

He calls himself Fake Steve Jobs (FSJ) and runs one of the most popular blogs in the world. Business 2.0 magazine listed him as the 41st most influential person in business.  America’s most prestigious tech magazine ‘Wired’ has advertised on his blog.  Every month, hundreds of thousands of his loyal readers  log on to read his humorous take on Apple computers and everything that happens in the tech industry and more.

He tweaks the noses of the egotist, and kicks the backsides of the super egotists.  Naturally, amongst all this irreverent humour is an underlying seriousness and in-depth understanding of the power plays and office politics that sometimes border on high farce. Sometimes, comics have the wisdom of the Gurus.  And anonymity gives the freedom to call a spade a spade, while the experts look at ‘holistic solutions to multi-layered issues’. 

The identity of Fake Steve Jobs is the source of much speculation in America.  Is it the great Steve Jobs of Apple himself? Could it be the Editor of Wired magazine?  Is it a group of brilliant analysts at a top investment house ? Goss websites like valleywag.com have done numerous articles discussing the possible identity of the Fake Steve Jobs. 

The only thing everyone agrees on is that Fake Steve Jobs has a masterly insight into the tech industry.  And a sense of humour and words that would do a writer of the Simpsons proud.

Techgoss requested an IM or email interview to speak to FSJ and found a considerate person behind the sometimes in your face humour.  What is reality and what is the public persona? If only we understood how genius works. Check out his blog at http://fakesteve.blogspot.com/

Q.  Not many Indians know that before Apple being such a success, you had come to Indian seeking spiritual salvation.  And for a short while lived on alms and walked barefooted in India.   What was it really like? How much of this is the truth and how much of it is urban myth?  Did you understand more about the meaning of life while you were there?

FSJ: Yes, when I was 19, I sold everything I had and flew to India and it was without a doubt the most important thing I've ever done in my life. It was a huge turning point. I went to India to see a guru. I trekked for days, begging for food. Much to my disappointment, I discovered when I got there that the guru was a fraud. My traveling partner, another American, became very upset. However this lesson was very important to me. I realized something huge about human nature. I realized how much we crave religious meaning in our lives,  and how we'll go to great lengths to achieve enlightenment. What I've done since then is find a way to imbue consumer electronics with religious significance. People will pay more for items if they believe those items make them special. Today, you no longer have to travel to India and meditate for years to achieve enlightenment; all you have to do to achieve enlightenment is walk into an Apple retail store with a credit card and buy an iPhone.

Q. What was your favourite Indian food when you were there?

FSJ: Nan bread. I still miss it. You can't get really good Nan in the States, did you know that?

Q.  You have said that LSD inspired one of the Apple computers.  Surely not like many visitors to India, you smoked more than just cigarettes there?

FSJ: Yes, I used a lot of drugs when I was a younger man. We found a very good dealer in Bombay who kept us well supplied during our trek to the mountains to find the guru.

Q.  You are considered a marketing Guru.  You have been on the cover of Time magazine.  Credited with the success of the new Apple Company.  Own the largest slice of Disney.  Most American credit you as the epitome of capitalism.  Indians, on the other hand,  would say a lot of it is karma (good deeds from last birth).  Your comments on this

FSJ: Yes, again, the Indians have it right. Through a great deal of meditation and hypnotherapy I've been able to recover some information about my last life. In my last life I was an Indian, and I was very, very kind and generous. I was a small man, bald, with little round glasses and white robes. I haven't been able to figure out what my name was but it seems to have begun with "M" or "G." It appears that this life ended in the late 1940s. My current incarnation began in 1955. During the 7-year hiatus I was mostly studying engineering and reading and relaxing.
 

Q.  One thing that really puzzles me is the flavor of Buddhism you follow.  Buddism preaches love, patience and forgiveness.  Not even hurting a fly. But everyone in Apple is terrified of you.   How you reconcile your management style with your religious beliefs ?

FSJ: Lao Tzu teaches us that ruthlessness is part of enlightenment. We must be ruthless, with ourselves and others, in order to achieve perfection. Plus I just really enjoy firing people. I really do. I take great pleasure in it.

Q. America,  with its few faults,  has many things to be admired and emulated.  It has welcomed migrants with open arms.  Indians have risen in companies like Microsoft, Google etc.  But no senior official  in Apple is from an Indian background.  Anything to do with latent anger in your hippie  days about India.  Indians have lots of patience and so would make good Apple employees.  You can scream at them for hours and no one would walk out.

FSJ: That's true about being able to endure screaming; it's something I really love about Indians. But here's the thing, and don't take this the wrong way -- I don't trust Indians. They're crafty, and they're sneaky. They'll rob you blind and not even feel bad about it. Back when I visited India the first time I went out of the airport and said I wanted to sell all my belongings. This guy said fine, he would buy them from me. So I handed everything over and he said he was just going to run down the street and get his wallet and come right back. Never saw him again.

Q.  Sorry, if I sound like I am in loop.  But there is another complaint from Indians sent to our website.  The common theme is why does Steve Jobs love India less by releasing his I-Phone in USA but not in India at the same time ?  Why such a delayed release of the I-phone in India?

FSJ: Well one big issue is the language thing. Our phones at this point only work with English.
 

Q.  Our website caters to an audience from the sub-continent.  Please can you give us your views about possibly the most successful Indian in USA computing - Sun founder and VC V Khosla ?  He seems to be spending a lot of  time doing his bit on saving the planet these days. What are your views about Ram Sri Ram who was one of the first investors in Google.  Is there any Indian we should watch out for in America who will reach the same heights as Mr. Khosla ?

FSJ: There is a fellow who is involved in retail named Apu Nahasapeemapetilon who is considered a rising star. Here in Silicon Valley a fellow named Om Malik has become well known as a Microsoft  "spokesblogger." He operates a web site called GigaOm which he uses to promote Microsoft products.

Q.  Final question about Indian managers.  One of the most admired Indian tech manager in Narayan Murthy of Infosys.  He has not only built INFOSYS into a billion dollar company without paying a bribe, but he gives away most of the his money to his employees and charity.    Would you pass on some advice to him.  What is he doing wrong ?   What can Indian managers in USA do to become as successful as you ?

FSJ: There is very little that anyone can do to become as successful as I am. My success is due mostly to my having achieved enlightenment and not to any particular skill or strategy. However, one trick that I can pass along that works well during difficult negotiations is the old blank piece of paper trick. I say to someone who is being a pain in the neck, "Here are my terms. Take them or leave them." Then I hand them a blank piece of paper and walk out. It drives people nuts.

As for Narayan, I think he should slow down, stop and smell the roses, and get out of the business before IBM finally moves in and crushes all these Indian upstarts. You know that's what they've got planned, right?

Q.  Can you tell us the funniest story you heard about a computer system/process being outsourced to India ?

FSJ: I've recently learned that some of my own blog is actually being written by joke outsourcers in Bangalore. Which explains some of the quality control problems we've been having lately.